Hjärter Dams sista sång

One last chance to reverse this curse

I have been dreaming of you, my beloved one. After seven years, that's just crazy. In those dreams, you're never the way you actually were. Or the way you probably are today. In my dreams, you are the most handsome, very loving and considerate. The last time I met you, about five years ago, you were quite the opposite of that. I was so desillusionated after that last date of ours that I suddenly started falling out of love. I had been so obsessed with you after you'd left me crying, in the rain, miles away from home. That's so chlichéd. And I still loved you for I know not what. I ran after you while pretending not to. You had probably been dating her for a while already, the one who just had to be it. You officially started dating her just a week later, after not really having broken up with me definitely. You had told me that there's still a chance we could be together and I believed you.

I didn't allow myself to believe anything else for over a year. And now, I've recently been thinking about what we were like in the very beginning. The happy, cold winter days when we were madly in love and went ice skating on the frozen lake. I was miserable at that time but you made my days a little brighter and easier to bare, or so it seemed. I know we both almost went suicidal when it turned out we weren't good for each other. I caused bad things to happen. I couldn't be the light for you. The last time I saw you, you were on drugs and I tried too desperately. I regret that one last time so much and I wish I had kept you in better memory. Now, the thoughts and dreams of how it could have been haunt me at night and they are just so beautiful. I miss the future we should have had - but now it's time to finally let you go. Definitely.

You're the blade and I'm just paper.

You're the blade and I'm just paper.

Before you go, are you aware
Of what a mess you leave behind,
Of memories, of things we share,
Of all concerning heart and mind?
Abandon only if you see
The consequences that will be
Forever haunting you and me
They are one-of-a-kind.

Before you leave, can you foresee
Can you foretell the hurtful state
The harm your farewell causes me
And how you leave me to my fate?
Just once I dreamt to be your bride
It seems to be an endless fight,
Come will the day that I lose sight
Alone, without my mate.

Farväl, farväl, min hjärtans kär!

Mång tusende god natt

400 miles and a whole lot of work will be separating us from now on. I do not like the thought much and yet I feel obliged to accept it. There is apparently no other way for us. We may have to learn to accept the circumstances, no matter how hard it seems. We won't be able to change about it too soon, so there may come months of loneliness at some point. Anyway - I think we will make it. We always have. Right now, I can't even say I'm actually sad at all. I have been through worse, we have. I will most certainly miss you in a way, but what is that compared to how I have missed before? You just won't be "there" whenever I need you around, but then again, you haven't for over a year. At this point, it doesn't even hurt in the slightest. I don't feel a thing. This is weird and makes me question my emotions but I know exactly I've had worse, even recently. Rather sad come to think about it, but that's life I guess. So here is the last thing I will remember about us for quite some time.
Take care.