You're the blade and I'm just paper.

You're the blade and I'm just paper.

Before you go, are you aware
Of what a mess you leave behind,
Of memories, of things we share,
Of all concerning heart and mind?
Abandon only if you see
The consequences that will be
Forever haunting you and me
They are one-of-a-kind.

Before you leave, can you foresee
Can you foretell the hurtful state
The harm your farewell causes me
And how you leave me to my fate?
Just once I dreamt to be your bride
It seems to be an endless fight,
Come will the day that I lose sight
Alone, without my mate.

Farväl, farväl, min hjärtans kär!

Mång tusende god natt

400 miles and a whole lot of work will be separating us from now on. I do not like the thought much and yet I feel obliged to accept it. There is apparently no other way for us. We may have to learn to accept the circumstances, no matter how hard it seems. We won't be able to change about it too soon, so there may come months of loneliness at some point. Anyway - I think we will make it. We always have. Right now, I can't even say I'm actually sad at all. I have been through worse, we have. I will most certainly miss you in a way, but what is that compared to how I have missed before? You just won't be "there" whenever I need you around, but then again, you haven't for over a year. At this point, it doesn't even hurt in the slightest. I don't feel a thing. This is weird and makes me question my emotions but I know exactly I've had worse, even recently. Rather sad come to think about it, but that's life I guess. So here is the last thing I will remember about us for quite some time.
Take care.

Take this anchor from my heart!

Welcome back, darkness.

You're so familiar, having you around is just wonderful. All beyond words. I know there's still something missing to make me feel comfortable. A lack of something I didn't think I'd ever come to miss. Perhaps it's just this one thing that's so special about it all. How strange is the idea of always being alone at some point, of always having to do certain steps on your very own? For me, nothing's harder than realising such obvious facts. And yet, I may still be wrong about them anyway.
How would I know. See you soon.

Man kan inte ha det som inte betalas.

It took me so long to find out it's right there in front of me,
too close to see...

I am finally back to normal. These are some tiny stones I picked up at the beach a couple of days ago. I just thought they were pretty so I arranged them on a bigger stone. Well, obviously so. Guess that's what I look like on the inside now, if that makes any sense. Complete in a way, shattered in another. I didn't sleep last night and I went back home very early so I could witness the sunrise - that's something I hadn't done in quite a long time. I did miss that, it's still one of the most beautiful things I've seen so far. Made me very happy and sad at the same time. I had almost forgotten about being able to experience such a wide array of emotions, all at the same time. Crying both from joy and profound sadness came pretty close to a blissful moment. It's different from anything I've been able to feel the past months. Several loved ones passed away or just turned their backs and I wasn't able to cry over them. Now I'm starting to feel anger and pain again and I guess that's a good thing. So welcome back, all of you positive and awfully negative emotions. I am alive!

The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through.

You'll never kill the light inside me.

Some situations just make you wish you'd never been born. Why do people even hate so much? What good does that do? Enough with the rhetorical questions. I don't have an answer either. All I know is there's things happening around that make me cringe. People uniting against others, trying to make their lives cease to exist. Sometimes not literally but in ways that compare to minds being taken apart. That's neither less brutal nor less effective. All it really is is less obvious. And I must say I'm even more afraid of these guys than of those who obviously try to harm others with clubs or guns or knives. There you go, another pessimistic, presumably depressing post. I'll make up for it some time.