Knowledge may be power, but ignorance is bliss

And you have never seen me cry.

My soul is just about to burst. I don't even know what to do or say any more. I chose to understand, now I'm all alone. I rose from the ashes just to fall even further down later. Don't expect me to help you. Don't expect me to say anything of importance. I've lost them. I've lost myself.

The uselessness of abbreviatons

Mors certa hora incerta

Suck the marrow out of life

To walk the path of sorrow

Let those tears shatter your eyes and heart

Give them the power to rip apart

The existence of who

Was supposed to be you

And leave all you loved from the start.

Do not rely on what people say

Do never listen, nor beg, nor pray

They are not going to

Let the best part of you

Ever be on their minds, in their way.

Hold on, and do not proceed, my dear

Now is the day to look back and fear

Everything that they know

All the things they don't show

And to fight back at last one more tear.

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

There was a time

When you stole what was mine

And I came to gain it back later,

A day full of bliss

And the hapless young miss

Was crestfallen by a malign baiter.

 

And you partied all night

While he held me tight

And his suave, mellow kiss made me tremble,

And the lanterns grew dim,

And there rested a slim

Chance of getting him back in your gamble.

As the hags were all gone

You still moved along

Like the bashful remains of a spinster,

He stroke my auburn hair

And I gasped for air

And our longings grew stronger and sin'ster.

 

Your paltry excuse

About my mean abuse

Of your sacred droit to possess him,

Caused a slight smirk,

And this one made you jerk,

For you envisioned me to obsess him.

 

Contumeliousness

Which caused the mess

In your head made me crow about you,

And so here I stand,

With your heart in my hand,

Waiting for the omen to undo.

(2010)

So you don't have to suffer me like I suffer myself.

The scars are slowly fading.

Maybe that is just what we have become. You do not seem to know me any more, and I will not assume you have not changed so I would still recognise you. So much for the most beautiful friendship anyone could imagine, so much for the soulmates that barely knew themselves but knew one another inside out. I have been missing you, more than words could tell and even more than what my tears and scars have stated. I have been loving you, from the first time we met, from the first time I ever talked to you. I have been yearning for your love which I once had but which you took away from me to give it to another random person out there. I may not have been deserving of it, and probably that's just what I will never be. Nonetheless, I will not be able to forget about the time we shared and the perfect moments that filled my heart with rapture and my soul with bliss. I may not be able to forget the keen look in your eyes that gave me butterflies whenever it happened to fondly contemplain me. Your memory will last forever, my memories keep me from starving, your tears keep me from feeling numb. I love you to death, that is why I let you go. Take care, my friend, you will be remembered endearingly.

00111100 00110011

Du är så vacker.

You're one of the very few things that keep me alive. You're both the worst and the best I've ever had. Our days were perfect, our nights were strange. You let me have perfect and weird conversations, you made me feel special. Your skies are the most beautiful on earth. Thanks for an amazing time. I'm in love with you. And I will return.

Föbsi Jones and the Purpose of Light

Aletheia 010713.

The world is spinning so much faster. I'm getting old. We all are.
No - wait. I didn't mean to sound just as weary of life as I usually do. This is my 23rd summer and I should live up to it. Which I actually do! In these rough times, I enjoy life about as much as I did in my childhood. It's just so very different from what I used to know, and I think my understanding of things will change continuously as I keep growing older. There won't be another 23rd summer for me, nor one that feels about the same. That is kind of tragic and amazing at the same time... and terrifying as well. You can't turn back time. I won't be this young ever again. Sooner or later, I will die. Just not deliberately, at the age of 24, as I planned to about six or seven years ago. Death will have to come get me itself, and from now on, until that moment, I shall live life to the fullest.
Seize the day!

I know how they used to sing about me.

She's ugly but she loves her face,

She loves her so-called style,

I see her standing next to me,

I hate to see her smile.

Her curly hair, her angry look, 

that twinkle in her eyes,

The chest she moved, the head she shook,

a devil in disguise.

A slap to her cheek, punch to her chin,

See the dropping glass!
My eyes they narrow, fill with tears,

My hands are full of scars,

"You hit the mirror! Dumb and blind,

And now you see, it's true,

That ugly girl, the one you mind,

That devil, it was you.

"A sea of blood and tears to your feet,

Drown in your own hate!

This self-hatred, it killed your heart,

To see this was your fate."

And nothing can be taken back

By nothing I can see,

I'll kill the one I hate for life - 

And this night, that is

me.

(01/2009)

Om du lämnade mig nu

Jag skulle vakna mitt i natten och gå upp och ta en lång promenad.

I can only pretend to know what love is like.I mean, I do like him. I like a lot of people. Then again, I loathe a lot more. I'm just thinking that if this is love, if this is the ultimate feeling of all, what is there left to long for? It causes more pain than pleasure, it forces me to cry at night and try to hide from those who might get worried.

I am not content with this life any more. I don't think I've ever been. With time passing by, it's easier to forget though. It's like walking a very long way for years, forgetting where it was going to lead you. You just don't get anywhere. You think you're feeling it, you think you know exactly what it should be like. You're wrong. The way won't lead anywhere, there's nothing left for you to find out in this entire world. You're on your own, possibly forever. And even if not, you will still have to die on your own. Nobody can save you. Nothing can. As one of the greatest artists ever said in one of his most famous plays: "It is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury - signifying nothing."

So long, good night.

Bamafedimatiarjucatopist.

For the love of whatever it's worth, don't treat me like I'm meant to.The feisty days are over now. We've all grown so much older and wiser it hurts to take a look back at what our image of reality used to look like.  Those things we yearned for, will they ever be the same again? Why do our dreams change all the time, getting less eccentric and more reasonable within just weeks or months? Why do our loved ones turn into the pivot of our lives? Why do we have to realise we're just so small and meaningless when there's still people to count on us? How does our youth trick us into thinking of physical pleasures as the only way out - and then again, why do we not scrutinise? The series of mistakes never to be undone, the insignificant hours wasted in the sun, or in the big, yellow light that looked not a whit like it, though it was so easy to pretend... Oh blissful widow that you were, why do you loathe yourself like that? And where is the one, supposed to make you smile?

Vatnið rennur av høgum fjøllum og eftir hvøssum gróti

So ilt er at leggja ást við hann ið onga leggur ímóti.

Time goes on, lives change with it. Those things which make us strong today are bound to weaken us tomorrow. Whenever we breathe, we take another step closer towards death. Who could save us from ourselves? How painful it is to love him who doesn't love back.

For being dead we're pretty live

Black encore

 

Slumber, serene sinisterness
And vain thine anger be,
Thou cannot capture all the mess
Thou wilt not torture me.

A woman's heart is never bare,
It may yet seem forsaken,
And pure hearts may be keenly rare
For those are mostly taken.

My very own heart is indeed
Not easily forgotten,
Though everyone doth surely treat
This heart like it is rotten.

O soberness, be granting me
The darkest nights - and so
Return my heart and all I see
Be shallow minds that grow. 

 

Serenity is taking part

Of what I used to be,
And thus I can no longer guard
What once belonged to me.