Man kan inte ha det som inte betalas.

It took me so long to find out it's right there in front of me,
too close to see...

I am finally back to normal. These are some tiny stones I picked up at the beach a couple of days ago. I just thought they were pretty so I arranged them on a bigger stone. Well, obviously so. Guess that's what I look like on the inside now, if that makes any sense. Complete in a way, shattered in another. I didn't sleep last night and I went back home very early so I could witness the sunrise - that's something I hadn't done in quite a long time. I did miss that, it's still one of the most beautiful things I've seen so far. Made me very happy and sad at the same time. I had almost forgotten about being able to experience such a wide array of emotions, all at the same time. Crying both from joy and profound sadness came pretty close to a blissful moment. It's different from anything I've been able to feel the past months. Several loved ones passed away or just turned their backs and I wasn't able to cry over them. Now I'm starting to feel anger and pain again and I guess that's a good thing. So welcome back, all of you positive and awfully negative emotions. I am alive!