Some things change so quickly

that they make the world collapse.

Only about two weeks after I wrote that last entry below, she was diagnosed with a - supposedly - deadly disease. This has made me think about life and death, more than I usually do anyway. I've been pondering quite a lot and I am yet thankful for this as it took me back to what's actually important in life. I'm also glad I have such wonderful friends who have been trying to comfort me and make me feel better. In addition to that, there's been a change in the weather, which is quite unusual for where I live now. It used to rain for weeks, now there's just so much snow I can barely step out of the house. Everything is so incredibly dead but with all the sparkling snow on them, things look totally different and seem to somehow contain a strange sort of beauty. I have been feeling lost. I have been feeling worthless and so very mediocre. And yet I know, if there's things that are worth to live for, I have probably seen them.

Because she means the world

even though she'll never know.

Spent the entire night drawing, reinventing the good old times to make me feel comfortable around myself these days. She's one of the few who have managed to show respect and even love as well as hatred, those real emotions people long for. 

Whenever I try to capture the beauty of a human's personality, I lose a bit of mine.  When I try to regain that piece of me, it feels like stealing something that I don't own any more. A part of a higher purpose, a part that has finally got something special about it, in a certain way.  

It is not easy to describe 
that feeling. 
It may be love.

Welcome home, son!

And endless be the nights you spend at where you feel 

at home.

In this place, life tends to be more or less excessive. 
To those who aim for it as well as to those who obviously don't.
A lot of things have happened to me the past five weeks, ever since I moved here. I had the privilege to make the acquaintance of a huge array of very interesting individuals in the midst of which I feel comfortable and safe. I have had to learn a couple of things, such as not to lose my mind when it seems to be the easiest thing to do. Not to accidentally, indirectly hurt people with my words or actions. To listen to those who matter to me, and to those alone.
I am finally free.